her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
