Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He passed out mid-signature
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
