The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
