Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
