You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
