i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
