just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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