and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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