Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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