i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
