everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
