This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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