nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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