Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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