I am in a vortex of obligation.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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