Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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