yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
