sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
