Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
