I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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