Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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