I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
