just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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