Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Holy shit dude........stairs
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
