You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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