Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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