Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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