either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
