he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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