I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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