last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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