i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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