margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
