WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
