I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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