Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
