Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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