WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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