I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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