it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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