alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Come on in and take your pants off
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