I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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