The best revenge is premature balding
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
