before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
