dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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