my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
