I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
