I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
nutella sex= disaster
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
