I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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