there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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