I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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