Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
