my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
