please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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