Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
