this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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