tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
