A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
