Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
