Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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