There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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