I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Never underestimate the power of titties
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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