I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Panties = found
Randomize
